Wilson Wipes “Love Lotion”
£7.99
Hydration. Stimulation. Wilson.
Say goodbye to dry skin — and hello to dangerously smooth seduction. Love Lotion™ by Wilson Wipes is the ultimate hand and body moisturiser, lovingly formulated for the special someone in your life.
Infused with natural essential oils, cocoa butter, shea, and sunflower seed oil, this rich, zesty lotion glides on like a compliment and soaks in deeper than your last relationship.
Whether you’re moisturising her, him, them, or just yourself infront of your laptop, this silky blend of love has you covered.
Description
💋 Made for Lovers:
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99% natural origin
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14% organic (just like Wilson’s lovemaking: mostly pure, slightly questionable)
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COSMOS NATURAL certified
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Vegan & cruelty-free
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Comes with a handy pump dispenser (don’t laugh)
- Made fresh in Wilson’s kitchen (which is in Latvia)
🛏️ Single? That’s Okay.
You don’t need a partner to experience moisture-based euphoria.
Sometimes it’s just you, this bottle, and “The Hub”. We’re cool with that.
Tissues not included.
🧪 How to Use:
Apply to clean skin (external use only). We legally recommend you test it first.
If symptoms occur — medically, emotionally, or romantically — stop using and consult a professional, not Wilson.
Important Note:
While it may be smooth, creamy, and warm to the touch…
It is absolutely, categorically not cum.
Strictly for external use only.
🛠️ Batch Info:
This product is made on demand — each bottle prepared fresh in Wilson’s personal kitchenette, where he stirs it shirtless, whispering compliments into the mix.
This not only reduces overproduction — it maximises tenderness per ounce.
⚠️ Regulatory Info (For the Suits):
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Age restriction: Adults only
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EU Warranty: 2 years
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COSMOS NATURAL certified by ECOCERT
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Compliant with the General Product Safety Regulation (GPSR)
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For compliance questions, email gpsr@sindenventures.com or write to Unhinged Records, PO Box 7169, Poole, BH15 9EL.
Additional information
| Weight | 0.37 kg |
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